The Worriers - Tails of Woe chapter 2

Ran 12.4 miles this morning @ 8:42 average pace.  Felt ok – a little tired but not bad.  Felt better as the run progressed.  I scared a poor tourist out on her run this morning.  I thought I’d chat like Mike does.  But unfortunately I got the ol’ We-don’t-say-good-morning-where-I-come-from look.  Must be from New Jersey.  How people find this place I have no idea.

 

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The Worriers – Tails of Woe

 

Chapter 2

 

The next morning, after hearing the distant rumble of Mt. Kawasaki, Woowoe came downstairs from her long, soft sleep to find Marthawoe reading the mail.

 

“That’s a lot of letters MW, you must be a good correspondent.”  “No, it’s just a pile of letters to both of us  from our great-aunt Jackiewoe from the north. Not only is she deaf, she’s getting senile.  She’s crazier than an old coon cat!”

 

She handed the letters over to Woowoe.

 

August 8, 2008

North Moose

 

Dear nieces,

 

Got your last letter about 2 years ago.  Thanks so much.  I read it every day.  I mean, since I haven’t received a letter from you since then I figured your arms are broken.  Or perhaps you’ve forgotten how to type.  Or maybe you’ve been eaten by a fox.  I mean, you wouldn’t ignore your aunt Jackiewoe would you?  You wouldn’t be so UNKIND as to leave me here with this black thing of a dog for my sole amusement.   WOULD YOU?

 

I’ve just read the most fascinating book: Click, Clack, Mew.  It’s really funny.

 

It’s been quiet here.  Really quiet.  Not a sound.  I get chills just thinking about how eerily quiet it is.  Nobody makes a sound.  What is worse, everyone creeps up on me and scares the living fur off of me!  I’ll be staring through the window and WAAA!!! someone has snuck up on me and touched me!  No warning, no nothing!

 

I’m getting the heebie jeebies.

 

With worry,

 

Aunt Jackiewoe.

 

****

 

August 9, 2008

North Morgue

 

Dear nieces,

 

Hello?  Are you there?  Is anyone there?  Is anyone anywhere?  HELLOOOOOOOO???  HELLOOOOOOO???

 

It’s so quiet here.  The humans walk around silently and only mouth their words to each other.  Their vocal chords must have failed.  However, I am impressed.  They seem to understand each other.  Sometimes they try to communicate with me.  They look at me and then start moving their lips.  What nonsense!  Why don’t they see a doctor?

 

Sometimes I walk up to them and mew quietly and it just about spins their heads around.  They act like I’ve just broken a vase or something the way they point at me and shake their heads in exasperation.

 

I’m telling you it is getting scary here.  I’m worried that they’ll stop feeding me and conduct some type of Frankenstein experiment to see how thin I can get.

 

Well, enough of that.  I’m going to get back on my cushion.

 

With worry,

 

Aunt Jackiewoe

 

****

 

August 10, 2009

Soggy North

Bleh

 

Dear Nieces,

 

You won’t believe the torture I go through!  That dog thing came up to me and just about bit my head off!  I almost wish it did.  Instead, the dumb thing just clamped its gooey gums over my whole head and absolutely lathered me with dog spit!

 

Oh you have no idea!  That gross tongue slobbering my cheeks & chin while its teeth prevented me from escaping.  I’m worried I’ll get some dog disease and I won’t be able to be cured - because I’M A CAT!

 

And NO WARNING!  I was sitting peacefully on my favorite cushion when suddenly IT WENT DARK!  Slob slob slob.  And the breath!  Ooooohhhhhhh yuck.  It stood there panting with my head in its mouth.  I think I’m going to have an attack…. I am….

 

ACHOO!  ACHOO!  ACHOO!

 

I knew it!  Dog disease!  The humans will find my lifeless body tonight slimed beyond recognition.

 

With worry,

 

Aunt Jackiewoe

 

PS.  How’s that Flynn cousin of yours, Crackle Head or is it Wheat Thin?

 

****

 

August 11, 2008

North Pole

 

Dear Nieces,

 

I licked the phone today.  I don’t know why.

 

With Worry,

 

Aunt Jackiewoe

 

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the Royal family of the Cushion Clan, Whitetipwoe, the rogue royal, is back.  He has set up a clandestine meeting of discontented Cushionettes for this evening...

 

End of Chapter 2